Saturday, January 29, 2011

Plagued by fears and insomnia

Well, I have finally just gotten up... At 1:30 in the afternoon! I am suffering from a great case of pregnancy insomnia most nights and cannot fall asleep before 4 or 5am. And when I do finally fall asleep, I do not sleep very well because 1) I cannot get comfortable, and 2) I always seem to need to pee! Even when I don't need to pee, my body tells me that I need to! I also get strange muscle cramping, or Braxton Hicks, every time I move when in bed, which is probably helping me to wake up so tired and sore!

I am plagued by fears about the safety and well being of my little bub. Some of them I am sure are completely irrational, but some are completely justified. I am type 1 diabetic, so the majority of this pregnancy has been a struggle for me (for a basic overview, check this link Type 1 diabetes and pregnancy) especially as it was not planned. My greatest fear, once it seemed that I was not going to miscarry again, is now that bub will come too soon, that I will be forced to have a c-section and bub will be severely premature. I met another young diabetic mother who already has a gorgeous little boy, and was pregnant again (2 weeks further along than me). She is amazing and has helped put my mind at ease that I can do this and have a healthy bub! She was forced to give birth to her son via emergency c-section at 32 weeks, and he survived. So this was my "standard" I guess, if I make it to 32 weeks, whatever happens from there will be fine. And I was ok with that.
But she had diabetic complications with this pregnancy as well (something as simple as too many low blood sugars) and it caused her placenta to start to die. She was forced to give birth to her little girl a week ago via emergency c-section at only 30 weeks. 30 WEEKS! Her little girl is doing okay, so far, but it has spun out my world. I am 30 weeks in 3 days... What if this happens to me? Now every time I visit the doctors, I am scared that they will admit me into the hospital, and if I am admitted then they will tell me that they need to deliver bub! Ideally, I want to make it to 37 weeks, at which point the doctors will induce me and I have every chance of having a natural birth, but something is scaring me into believing that it won't happen, that I will be one of the unlucky ones! And, if bub does come soon, I am so not ready for it! There is still so many items that need to be purchased (many are already on layby, thank goodness!) and things I have not thought of I am sure!!
So fingers crossed I make it to 32 week, and fingers and toes crossed that I really make it to 37 weeks!!
Here is the little girl, just 30 week, in NICU, just after she was born:

Now, I must get ready for work. 8 hour shift tonight and I am guaranteeing I struggle to make it through... Who knows how much longer I will last? Maternity leave is booked for 6th March :)

Hello world!

There are some major happenings going on in my life, and more expected soon, so I have started this blog to share the going ons!! So I am currently 29 weeks pregnant with my first child. It has been an amazing adventure so far, with dramas and heartache and so much joy.
Last night I had the absolute pleasure of being photographed by Itty Bitty Photography and had an amazing evening on the beach. The photographs are stunning!

To see the full range of images, check out Itty Bitty Photography: