New app test... Plus pics :)

I am testing out a new app on my phone for blogging and wanted to share some pics from today :)

I love this photo, I have no words to say why, but I want to get it printed up big on canvas and hang it in my house! Love. ♥

Day 2 of our little pre Christmas holiday!

Day 2: After Bella woke up screaming when I went to bed at 11pm last night, and only went back to sleep after she found she could suck on the satin on the edge of her blanket (I have never ever heard her scream like that before! I would get her calmed down for about a minute and then she would start screaming again!), we both had an alright night's sleep. After half her feed this morning, Miss Bella and Auntie C spent some time together. She is such a spoilt child! But in the words of Auntie C, "Cute".

What a hot, sticky mess!

Today Bella and I packed ourselves into the car and undertook a massive trip (at least it seemed that way!), and we left "dad-dad" at home. We travelled first to Launceston, where I made 4 deliveries for Little Lillie Designs and then we visited "Poppy Dale" in hospital. Then back into the car and travelled through to Ulverstone where we are staying with my Nana and Bella's "great Nana". Today was the worst day to be travelling in a car with no airconditioning! Mind you, looking at the forcast for the next few days, it is going to get hotter and hotter, luckily we are staying next to the beach!!  So back to our car trip.... Miss Bella DID NOT SLEEP AT ALL the entire way up to Launceston. AT ALL. And I was so hot and sticky that I had my tops pulled up to my armpits trying to stop them from sticking to my back. Yuck. Fan on full as the air coming in the windows was too warm, it just was not pleasant! On the trip from Launceston to Ulverstone, little Miss was overtired and hot and cranky, but refused to sleep. Instead she cried for the first 1/3 of the drive, then I sang to her and she finally fell asleep, only to start randomly crying in her sleep! Poor bub!
I hate it when it is this hot and sticky, and silly me, I only packed Bella's fleecy PJs, so right now she is tucked up in bed in some tights and a top and only a light blanket. I hope she sleeps alright!

I decided yesterday to return to being a blonde. This is something I do when I get bored or frustrated. I am not sure which applies in this case, but my hair is in a terrible state because of it! I guess I will never learn!!!

A little time for me!

Today was the first day in 8 months that I have left Bella with someone and spent time alone with my husband! As a birthday celebration he took me to the movies (on a date like we used to) and Bella was looked after by my friend Jilly for a few hours, then we picked her back up and the three of us went to dinner! It was so super good to get out and be "normal" again! haha I love my little family so much.

The Modern Cloth Nappy... Totally different from what you wore as a baby!

I made the decision a month or two ago to change to using MCNs (Modern Cloth Nappies) on Bella during the day. I was worried at first about doing so (to be honest I am not the best at keeping up with the normal washing, let alone dirty nappies!!) but after looking into it and finding out you can get flushable liners (amazing!) I made the choice to give it a go. I joined asked on a mum's facebook group I am in about them and a lovely lady on there offered to send me some to try and then I joined a buy and sell group also on facebook. As of today, I have now created a big enough "stash" to last until Bella toilet trains! So now I just have to purchase dispoables for overnight wear. And I couldn't be happier! Bella's nappy rash has cleared up, and only comes back when she has super disgusting poops! I would recommend using MCNs to anyone who wants to give them a go, they can be expensive to purchase new, but if you keep your eye out like I did, you can get secondhand ones fairly cheap when other mum's decide to clear out their stash :) When I pick up my latest purchase next week, I will have over 40 nappies and HEAPS of boosters, and have only spend just over $250 all up.

Come on, these nappies are pretty damn cute! And any MCN mum will tell you, they are super addictive!

I also ordered for miss Bella today, personalised name dummies... Cannot wait to get them! What a spoilt little princess I have! 

NOTE: do not google "MCN" in google images as you will get hundreds of pics of topless women!!!!! oops!

Happy Birthday to me?

Today is officially my birthday, I am 25 and my little princess is now 8 months old. Where does time fly? Tiábella is such an amazing little personality! But such a "Daddy's girl". And the spitting image of him too, the short dark blonde hair and amazing blue eyes. I almost feel like I am cheating by blogging about her because there is nothing wrong with her, nothing serious to complain about, nothing medical to endure and inspire others with. The biggest issue? Well, besides throwing up non stop until about 7 months old and not growing for a few months, was the day her two bottom teeth popped through and then it was only a little grizzle!

She has a hugely curious mind, and loves to grab and touch and feel and move things from hand to hand and twist them around, and taste EVERYTHING! I often wonder how the world looks to her, what does she see, what makes her smile? Why does she think that her hands must be covered in saliva before she touches something?

But as she grows and embraces the world more and more, getting more independent, standing without assistance and insisting on feeding herself, I find I am missing one thing more than anything else. Tiábella doesn't want to cuddle or snuggle with me anymore! She is too eager to show off her new "tricks" and cuddles with mummy are not part of the deal. Maybe, just maybe, if I am lucky I may get a Happy Birthday hug this morning... Fingers crossed!

Fathers Day?

Today is Fathers Day... a day to celebrate the wonderful job that fathers all over the world do...

BUT

As I sit here writing this, covered in projectile vomit from my 5 month old, teething daughter, while my husband is away taking his almost 4 year old daughter back home to her mother and then going to work, I do wonder about a couple of situations... Like, those who do not want to celebrate their father due to their father not being interested in being a father and therefore while being part of the family ignored the fact that they are a father altogether, or abusive, or (in the case of a dear single mum friend of mine and her new darling daughter) have a father that just cannot be arsed to even acknowledge them... To some people, Fathers Day is not even worth thinking about, let alone celebrating!

According to dictionary.com a father is: "1. a male parent"... Very unexciting really! I did have a quick look at urbandictionary.com and the meanings in there become a lot more 'colourful'! Personally, a father to me is not just the man who you share 50% of your DNA with, a father needs to be a person who loves you unconditionally, protects you, helps you grow and learn about life and the world around you, and basically gives a damn about you... Looking down the list on dictionary.com, I feel a little better to see that "to father" also means "20. to assume as one's own; take the responsibilty of"...

I then think of another friend of mine, who has two young children to her ex-finace... But is now dating a decent, kind and loving mutual friend of ours. This is technically his "first" Fathers Day, as the children now call him DAD, and I feel a little hope welling deep down inside me... I can only hope that we can all find someone decent and worth saying "Happy Fathers Day" to, even if that person is not biologically our father...

HAPPY FATHERS DAY to all the dads out there, especially those who are decent enough to be fathers to those who may not be biologically theirs. I tip my hat to you!

{this moment}

{this moment} – A Friday ritual from Soule Mama.  A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week.  A simple, special, extraordinary moment.  A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.  If you’re inspired to do the same, leave a link to your “moment” in the comments for all to find and see.

Where did the time go?

Well I am back... it turns out being a mum is a lot more time consuming than I ever would have expected! Tiábella is now almost 12 weeks old and we are moving this weekend into a bigger house. Life is very busy but I am trying not to be stressed by it! As I sit here typing this, Tiábella is laying in her cot talking to herself. I feel so guilty sometimes for not having her in my arms 100% of the time, but I know that she needs to learn to be away from me, and it is extremely hard to pack this house with her constantly needing my attention!

Here are the things I am looking forward to when we move into our new house:

1. Appropriate heating!! I will no longer be freezing all the time!

2. A bath... I will now have the option of a bath or shower, and Tiábella can hop in the bath with me, as she is now getting too big for the baby bath.

3. Tiábella's nursery being next door to my bedroom rather than downstairs! She will no longer need to sleep in the bassinet in my bedroom overnight (good thing as she is getting too big for the bassinet too!)

4. Doors on the bedrooms!!! It sounds funny, but our current house is so open plan that when my husband works nights and therefore sleep during the day, Tiábella and I have to leave the house or he cannot sleep...

5. A backyard!

6. A spare room/room for Charlotte. Now when she comes to visit she will have her own space where I will not have to stress about a 3 year old touching things she knows she shouldn't!

7. Storage space. We have none here.

8. A telephone line, so proper internet! Yay!

Here are the things I will miss about our old place:

1. The clothes dryer.

2. The modern feel of the place (totally not appropriate for a baby and 3 year old though!)

3. How close it is to where I work (when I am not on maternity leave...)

That's about all I will miss...

And just because I am so super proud of my baby girl, here she is (11 weeks old)!

My baby finally arrives!

I am pleased to announce the arrival of Tiábella Adele on the 25th March 2011, at 9:11am (AEST) via c-section. 

So this is the first opportunity that I have had to get back online since the birth of my darling baby girl! After being given the news the night before that the doctors wanted to operate and get my baby out, it was less than 12 hours later that I was taken to the operating theatre and started my "birthing" process! It is the strangest sensation being awake and aware of being cut open, but not being able to feel anything more than some pressure and pushing... My husband saw them pull her out (even with a c-section she had a tight fit!) and then suddenly I heard her cry and relief flooded over me. She was then given to my husband to hold next to my head while they stitched me up, and then, about 50 minutes after she was born, while I was getting my "tap blocks" put in to help with pain relief, the midwives held Tiábella to my breast and I was able to feed her for the first time. We went to recovery for all of about 20 minutes where they checked that I wasn't bleeding and that I was getting feeling back from the spinal, and checked Tiábella's blood sugar levels (as this is the major concern that babies of diabetic mums will have overactive pancreas' and will have ultra low blood sugars). Her first reading was 2.4 (near perfect for a baby) and the next two that they did over the next couple of hours were both 3.4. Perfect. So my baby's pancreas is working just fine! Her apgar score was a 9 at one minute and a 10 at five minutes. So all my concerns about my baby's health were all for nothing, she is damn near perfect! We both stayed in hospital another 4 days and are now back at home. She is 8 days old today, and I am loving being a mum!!!

my last day of being preggo...

So the time has finally come! I have been in hospital since Tuesday for observation of my diabetes, and after a final growth ultrasound this morning that confirmed bub was approx. 4.6kg, the doctors have decided it is time for bub to join us! A natural birth carries too many risks when the baby is that size, especially in babies of diabetic mums, as after the head 'births' the shoulders can get stuck (called shoulder displacia) as this is where the baby holds the majority of it's weight... So first thing tomorrow morning I am scheduled for a c-section!

As the date looms near...

Well, Bub and I have officially done it!! We have made it to 37 weeks! Yup, we are considered full term!! I am so proud of myself and my little one. I never thought we would make it this far, and chances of bub having issues are reduced this week and next and then get worse again towards 39+ weeks. So the doctor finally gave me an induction date and I will go into hospital next week and my gorgeous little baby will be born! I am so excited! Hell scared at the same time too, of course, because KNOWING when you are going to go into labour means you have time to stress and think about exactly what that means in terms of pain, complications, the afterwards etc etc. At least if you go into labour naturally then it kinda just happens and you don't have time to think or stress about it. Well, that's what I find anyway!

To add to this drama, I have starting having low blood sugars. This can be considered a sign of the placenta losing function, so now I have that to worry about too! It seems that because I finally had good news about my induction, something else HAD to pop up to keep me on my toes!

Last night my lovely husband and I went out for dinner (our first date since we got married) and it was so much fun! Then we had icecream on the waterfront and walked for ages while we waited for the movie we were going to go see... In the end we didn't see any movie as I was exhausted after all the walking and he was tired too, so we went home and went to bed with a DVD. It was actually the perfect end to the evening! So now I am trying to fill the rest of my week with things to do and people to see before I become a full-time mum!

Oh, and by the way, sleep is now impossible for me it seems! I am just too big and sore and cannot get comfy at all...

Incompetent doctor!

Well I am officially 36 weeks today! I went to my doctor's appointment this afternoon with such high expectations of finally getting some answers and got nothing. It has made me so sad and depressed that I have spent the afternoon since I left the hospital in tears, I cannot seem to stop!
So to add to all the other signals and symptoms I have had that seem to suggest pre-eclampsia, today my fingers were slightly swollen (i struggled to turn my wedding rings!) and at the doctors appointment this afternoon I had protein in my urine... the only sign I do not have yet is my blood pressure is apparently normal, or so this doctor said and I do not trust him very much right now! He measured my belly and told me I was measuring 33 weeks, therefore baby is obviously not big like my growth scan proved just a week and a half before! Funny how last week my belly measured at 36+ weeks, and I have grown again, but now it is only measuring at 33 weeks... yeah, sure, I really trust this doctor!
He also did not want to discuss my induction, just said it will be at 37-38 weeks (yes, I know, that is why we are meant to be deciding now at 36 weeks!!!) and that the doctor I see next week will decide on a date... ie, not my problem, not my issue, I am going to let the next poor bugger make the decision!!
Oh, and apparently my heart racing/shortness of breath/cannot get in enough oxygen is from me resting too long and bub sitting on something to make me short of breath.... um, no?! and when I tried to explain that it happens when I am doing things, when I am not doing anything, when I over do things, like ALL THE TIME, he just looked at me like I was making it up and suggested that IF it happened again, to come into the hospital and have the midwives check me out, but to be there within half hour of the first sign of it.... ARGH... so frustrated!

I had to shut the door to the nursery when I got home, I just couldn't look at my baby's room without crying...

Prenatal depression? Or pre-baby blues!

I have my appointment with the obstetrician tomorrow for my next checkup and to discuss my induction. Hopefully this will only be a week away (37 weeks) unless the doctor finds something wrong and I have to go into hospital sooner. I am feeling very tight and sore right now, plus I keep getting heart palpitations, shortness of breath, nausea, hot flushes, cramping and headaches. Some people I have mentioned it to think it may be signs of pre-eclampsia so I will ask tomorrow about it. I was hoping bub might be thinking about coming today, as bub had definately dropped yesterday (I could feel how long he/she was getting!) plus I had a couple of contractions today, but nope, nothing came of it. Now I just feel really big and tight and sore and sick and just want something to happen! I repacked the hospital bag (just to check that I had everything for bubba) but still only have PJs and some books packed for me!

I think I may be getting prenatal depression? I have gotten really overly sad tonight for no reason... I cannot tell if it is because I keep expecting something to happen and nothing does, or if there is something more to it!

erk!

Argh, I am really not feeling the best tonight... I am nauseous, and hot, and fevery, and wanna throw up, and bub had the hiccups before which was just making it all worse. Please little baby, either come join us, or stop making me quite so ill!

35 weeks... Here is your official eviction notice little one!!!

Ok, the time has come to give this little bubba the kick up the bum and get them moving on out!!! I know that I will miss being pregnant, but I am now 35 weeks and the doctors will give me my induction date next week... So it will only be a week or so after that... This means I will be induced in just over 2 weeks!! I never expected that I would ever make it to 35 weeks, and I would rather go into labour naturally than have to be chemically induced, so I am giving my little baby their eviction notice! You have 2 weeks to get your butt moved outta me and into the real world. I doubt bub will take much notice, too stubborn just like mum and dad!! I guess I will have to start trying all the non harmful eviction tactics... already tried sex, and basic walking up and down stairs... will have to get a fit ball, some pineapple and maybe some raspberry leaf tea... Hmm, what else could work I wonder?!

I had a lovely weekend visiting family, and kept my promise and did not go into labour! I was a busy weekend, capped off with a great visit with a lovely friend who is currently 26 weeks pregnant. It was so good to see her as we have not seen each other in person since before she knew she was pregnant (I was about 13 weeks)!

I had my last birthing class yesterday, so they are now all completed, and while I don't really feel any better prepared, I do feel better for having attended and completed them all! Then I had my doctors appointment yesterday afternoon, which all went well. My belly is measuring at 36 weeks, bub's head is apparently "floating" in my pelvis (no longer engaged) and the doc sent me to get a "trace" done on bub's heartbeat as bub was having another quiet day. At first the midwife could not find the heartbeat, but eventually got it VERY faintly, so left me to hold the trace in place for half hour. Apparently everything was all good though because they sent me home straight afterwards!

Just for a giggle, here is the smiley face my belly button made while laying in bed this morning!!

Growth ultrasound and me being naughty!!

Had my growth ultrasound this morning! Confirmed that bub is BIG... measuring at almost 38 weeks already... I won't find out exactly what this means to my "due" date or induction date until I see the doctor on Monday! I am so excited to find out though...
I also was naughty and found out the baby's sex... BUT I AM STILL NOT TELLING!! We will all find out in a couple of weeks! Bub's head is low, so low that the ultrasound tech had trouble getting a good pic for the circumference of the head.
So I finally got my act together and washed all the baby clothes last night. Finally. I am now about to fold them. Baby clothes are so so cute, and tiny!! I am so excited to meet my little one!
My blood sugars have started dropping again a little bit, so if they do not stabilise then I will have to either have a c section or induction even sooner than 37 weeks, so fingers crossed to see what happens! At any rate, my baby should be here by the end of the month! CRAZY!
Hubby and I are visiting my family for the weekend as of tomorrow, and I have promised that I will not go into labour while we are on "holiday" so I don't ruin it for him! Haha, when we get back I will almost be 35 weeks, so close!

Pre labour?

I had not felt much movement from bub since he/she moved down a few days ago, so last night I went into the Pregnancy Assessment Centre at the hospital to get bub checked out. Bub turned out to be happy and healthy, and just was making me worry for no reason! So I went home and had my sciatic nerve seize up!! So I went to bed and within a few hours I started getting severe lower back and tummy cramping, like period pain. This can apparently be part of pre labour, but until they turn into actual contractions there is no need to worry!
During my birthing class this morning I had two contractions, but nothing really since, so just trying to rest up, and see what happens. If things don't get better I will call the hospital, otherwise my ultrasound is on Thursday and my next doctor appointment is on Monday, see what happens by then!
In good news, bub has gone back to being pretty active since I was in PAC yesterday, so there is no longer any concern there!

This is me at 33 weeks + 4 days

The countdown is on!

Just a quick update... I think bub may have moved down, and taken my sciatic nerve with him/her! I have constant pain in my left leg/butt now, plus pressure in my pelvis... I also get sharp 'lighting' pains really low when I walk... I hope bub comes soon because I don't think I can deal with all this pain for too long! At least it is now only 25 days til I can be induced... Plus my growth ultrasound is booked for next Thursday, so I will find out how big bub is, and maybe talk about getting him/her out sooner!!

Think your baby is big? Not as big as mine!!

Bub and I have done it! We are another week down!! Excitement is building now, 33 weeks... only 27 days until the doctors will think about inducing me! It is so exciting but so scarily soon at the same time!
I had my doctor's appointment yesterday, nothing new, nothing exciting! My sciatic nerve in my left butt and leg has been playing up A LOT so the doctor has put through a referral for me to see a physiotherapist, which hopefully will bring me some blessed relief. It is getting so bad that I am almost in tears when it happens and it is happening all the time! I guess there is no way I am going to be able to deal with the pain of labour if I cannot even deal with my leg seizing up!!
The doctor also did a quick ultrasound to see how big bub currently is (I know bub is big because I can feel movements all the time now, and painful ones, like a foot in the ribcage while the bum pushes out on the left side of my tummy and a fist hits somewhere in my pelvic region, usually into my bladder!!! And all at once! Ouchie!) and told me that he couldn't get very clear measurements, but bub is only measuring at 35-36 weeks, a reasonable size considering I was almost 33 weeks yesterday... Ok, sure... But I saw the measurements and the weeks the computer converted them to... like, head diameter: almost 11cm, meaning 38+ weeks... and torso length: 30-something cm, meaning 37+ weeks! and he wants me to keep 'cooking' this baby for another 5-6 weeks?! No thankyou!! He did order a proper growth ultrasound for me that I will have next week, just to get clear measurements, so if those measurements are as big as the ones he took yesterday, I think I am definately pushing for my induction to be at 37 weeks, not 38 or 39!!
I must say though, I have got to the point where the only part I am enjoying about this pregnancy now is my little ones movements (when they don't hurt!)... It makes me smile everytime! There is such a connection that I cannot explain that I feel, and I hope it continues after bub is born. I am just so ready to not be pregnant anymore!

On to a sadder note, I now have two stretch marks!! Yes, I am no longer one of the "lucky" ones who managed to avoid them, I have two just on the bottom of my bump on the left side... I guess I am still lucky because I never actually tried to stop them, and my tummy is so tight and big that I was bound to get some!

And just an update on my friend's little girl that she had at 30 weeks... baby girl is now 4 and a half weeks old and is doing amazingly well! I was allowed to go in and visit her in the NICU and she is so cute and tiny... It tripped me out a little bit that my baby is probably already bigger than this little girl (she now weighs just over 2 kgs) but it also gave me great confidence that no matter what happens now and if my bub comes early or I need to give birth via emergency c-section, bub will be fine! What a relief to know that!

Also, time is running out (as who knows when I will go into labour!) if you want to take part in our "Bub Stats Guessing Game"... enter your guesses here!

Count the kicks!

I had a severe decrease in bub's movements yesterday... to the point where I only felt about 2 wriggles, no kicks, no rolls, nothing else... But I woke up this morning and bub was moving again, especially when hubby played "Jessie's Girl" to my belly! You should have seen my tummy wriggle! But being an over concerned, first time, diabetic mum, I went into the hospital this afternoon anyway, just to get everything checked out. There is a lot of fear associated with fetal movement and kick counts in the third trimester, and it has been in the news a little bit after English celebrity Amanda Holden lost her baby boy due in March this year. Amanda Holden stillborn tragedy. There is also a lot of push for mother to "count the kicks" and a massive awareness campaign to help mum's stop the increased instances of stillborn deaths. This is called Chloe's Count the Kicks Campaign. So after being attached to the trace at the hospital for half hour and talking to the doctor, the verdict is that my baby is happy, seemingly healthy and moving like normal again. I am glad I went in and got checked though!

On another note, today is 32 weeks, another week down! Not long now til I get to meet this little ratbag that I have already grown to love so much!

Officially finished work...

I have been officially put off work, as of yesterday. I do not know how I am going to cope not working 5 nights a week, even as much as not having to work is going to be really really nice. Plus the lack of money is going to be a massive strain on both of us. But the good news is the doctors did not put me in hospital and do not believe that I am likely to give birth anytime soon, barring any major diabetic dramas!!! Even the fact that bub is measuring a lot larger than expected, the doctors still do not believe they will induce me before 37 or 38 weeks. They have told me to expect 38 weeks. That really seems WAY too far away!

I had a mini meltdown tonight after reading the info the hospital gave me on c sections. It wasn't the procedure itself that upset me, it was realising that if I have a c section it will be because there is a medical issue that makes it necessary, and therefore will be will bub is still premature or pre-term. So even after bub is born I will not be able to even hold my own child as he/she will be rushed straight to NPICU (intensive care unit). This devastated me!

On a happier note, I am now 31 weeks... another week down!!

Little bitty bub and bed rest!

My "little" baby is currently measuring at 34 weeks according to my ultrasound on Friday! I will find out at my doctor appointment tomorrow what exactly that means to my delivery date and pregnancy. I have also recently been having quite a few low blood sugars and I expect that the doctors may have something to say about that tomorrow. I am half expecting that they will want to admit me to hospital... Fingers crossed everything is okay!

I have been feeling dizzy and lightheaded and headachy the past week or so, so I went and had my blood pressure checked at the local chemist. It was a little low and my heart rate was a little high, so I have been told to keep my feet up and take it easy tonight until my appointment tomorrow. So I am at home completely bored! My darling husband refuses to let me do ANYTHING, which in normal circumstances would be great, but I hate losing my independence!!! I want to be able to do things for myself!!!!! Unfortunately, although my maternity leave is not due to start for another 4 weeks, I think that the doctors are going to suggest I stop working immediately!

Top 5 things to do when I am no longer pregnant!

So today I finally hit one of my 'landmarks': 30 weeks! I am so happy to be here, hoping to make it to my next one of 32 weeks! Ultrasound on Friday and back to the doctors on Monday... Lots of fun!

So for a bit of fun, I am going to list my 5 top things I cannot wait to do when I am no longer pregnant!
1) Enjoy intimate times with my husband again!
2) Be able to sleep on my back, side, tummy, however I want without waking up being sore and uncomfortable.
3) Do things like bend and pick things up without people telling me that I can't because I am pregnant.
4) Be able to go more than a couple of hours without food and not feeling like I am going to throw up!
5) Eat ANYTHING I want... Seriously, things I never really wanted to eat before become so much more desirable when you know you cannot eat them!!

Things I am going to miss about being pregnant...
1) Feeling my little baby roll, kick, punch, and move inside me... Such an amazing feeling!!
2) The knowledge that I created a life and it is growing inside me and getting stronger and all that amazing "wow" that goes with knowing that!
3) The amazing curve of my belly (even though it mostly gets in the way now!)
4) The attention I get from being pregnant, from random strangers trying to give me advice, to friends wanting to touch my belly.
5) The amazing group of pregnant facebook ladies I have connected with all over the world (although technically I won't lose this once I give birth)...

Of all the good things, and not so good things, I have loved being pregnant and the experience of it all... Hopefully bub just stays put for a little while longer! Fingers crossed!! x

Plagued by fears and insomnia

Well, I have finally just gotten up... At 1:30 in the afternoon! I am suffering from a great case of pregnancy insomnia most nights and cannot fall asleep before 4 or 5am. And when I do finally fall asleep, I do not sleep very well because 1) I cannot get comfortable, and 2) I always seem to need to pee! Even when I don't need to pee, my body tells me that I need to! I also get strange muscle cramping, or Braxton Hicks, every time I move when in bed, which is probably helping me to wake up so tired and sore!

I am plagued by fears about the safety and well being of my little bub. Some of them I am sure are completely irrational, but some are completely justified. I am type 1 diabetic, so the majority of this pregnancy has been a struggle for me (for a basic overview, check this link Type 1 diabetes and pregnancy) especially as it was not planned. My greatest fear, once it seemed that I was not going to miscarry again, is now that bub will come too soon, that I will be forced to have a c-section and bub will be severely premature. I met another young diabetic mother who already has a gorgeous little boy, and was pregnant again (2 weeks further along than me). She is amazing and has helped put my mind at ease that I can do this and have a healthy bub! She was forced to give birth to her son via emergency c-section at 32 weeks, and he survived. So this was my "standard" I guess, if I make it to 32 weeks, whatever happens from there will be fine. And I was ok with that.
But she had diabetic complications with this pregnancy as well (something as simple as too many low blood sugars) and it caused her placenta to start to die. She was forced to give birth to her little girl a week ago via emergency c-section at only 30 weeks. 30 WEEKS! Her little girl is doing okay, so far, but it has spun out my world. I am 30 weeks in 3 days... What if this happens to me? Now every time I visit the doctors, I am scared that they will admit me into the hospital, and if I am admitted then they will tell me that they need to deliver bub! Ideally, I want to make it to 37 weeks, at which point the doctors will induce me and I have every chance of having a natural birth, but something is scaring me into believing that it won't happen, that I will be one of the unlucky ones! And, if bub does come soon, I am so not ready for it! There is still so many items that need to be purchased (many are already on layby, thank goodness!) and things I have not thought of I am sure!!
So fingers crossed I make it to 32 week, and fingers and toes crossed that I really make it to 37 weeks!!
Here is the little girl, just 30 week, in NICU, just after she was born:

Now, I must get ready for work. 8 hour shift tonight and I am guaranteeing I struggle to make it through... Who knows how much longer I will last? Maternity leave is booked for 6th March :)

Hello world!

There are some major happenings going on in my life, and more expected soon, so I have started this blog to share the going ons!! So I am currently 29 weeks pregnant with my first child. It has been an amazing adventure so far, with dramas and heartache and so much joy.
Last night I had the absolute pleasure of being photographed by Itty Bitty Photography and had an amazing evening on the beach. The photographs are stunning!

To see the full range of images, check out Itty Bitty Photography: ittybittyphotographyhobart.blogspot.com